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+4 votes
113 views
shared in Ghazal by

mai likhta hu kuch bhi kaha to nahiN 
bhala na sahi par bura to nahiN

hai mumkin nahi us men meri raza
par us ke kiye par khafa to nahiN

main dhadkan ko us ki bhi sun na sakuN
bhale door hu par judaa to nahiN

dilo ko khilona bana kar rakhe
ye teri hai, meri adaa to nahiN

bhale tum saraapa wafa hi wafa 
ye armaan bhi bewafa to nahiN

मै लिखता हूँ कुछ भी कहा तो नहीं 
भला ना सही पर बुरा तो नहीं

है मुमकिन नहीं उसमे मेरी रज़ा 
पर उस के किए पर खफा तो नहीं

मैं धड़कन को उसकी भी सुन ना सकूँ 
भले दूर हूँ पर जुदा तो नहीं

दिलों को खिलौना बना कर रखे 
ये तेरी है, मेरी अदा तो नहीं

भले तुम सरापा वफा ही वफा 
ये अरमान भी बेवफा तो नहीं

Ash@armaan@

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commented by
so sweet
really nice!!!
commented by
loved the ghazal... very nice...
commented by
Thank u Ritika ji , gurjyot ji for appreciation
commented by
very nice Ashwani :) :)
commented by
Shukriya Tushar :)  .................
commented by
wonderful Ashwani

1 Reply

+1 vote
replied by
Very Good .....ncely written...

I would like to suggest  a change if you think it is going well with the Shayar's sentiments.

मैं धड़कन को उसकी भी सुन ना सकूँ  
भले दूर हूँ पर जुदा तो नहीं

If yu are not Juda (Physically away but close to the heart) of cause then you can listen to the heart beats. So ....suggestion is...

दिल की धडकन को कैसे छुपाओगे मुझसे
भले दूर हूँ  तुमसे पर जुदा तो नहीं

Pl look into and incorporate, if it seems correct to you.

Regards
Anil Sharma
commented by
Tawazzo ka bahut bahut Sukriya Anil Sahab . Darasal jab likhte hai to ek muqammal khayal dimag me hota hai ..  usi ko poora hu b hu utar raha hai ye sher ....... aap ke suggestion ka shukriya aage bhi aapki tawazzo ki darkhwast hai ...


aapne likha
If yu are not Juda (Physically away but close to the heart) of cause then you can listen to the heart beats. So ....suggestion is...

दिल की धडकन को कैसे छुपाओगे मुझसे
भले दूर हूँ  तुमसे पर जुदा तो नहीं

sir .. yaha dil ki dhadkan sun ne se murad apne ppriyatam ki khusi gam ko mashus karne se hai ..  stethoscope wala koi scope nahi hai :)    or aap ne jo misra sujhaya hai vo behr se kharij mahsus ho raha hai ..  aap ek baar gour kare ..
commented by
Yes agree, there are two aspects of every thought 1) you write what you are going though (the feelings) 2) what listener is going though so he interpates it according to his feeling or situations. So anyway a good line is that anybody with any conditions can relate with.

Good efforts. That why I said "if it goes correct with the sentiments of Shayar)".
commented by
aap ki mohabbat ka shukriya anil sahab .. darasal agar aap thoda sa is nazariye ko parkhe ki shayar khud se guftgu kar raha hai to shayad aap behatr samjh payenge .....  

vaise ek baat hamare ustaad hamesha kahte haiN ki agar aap padhne wale tak apni baat hu b hu na pahuncha sako to kahi na kahi shayri me kami rah gayi hai .. mai koshish karunga ye kami or dekhne ko na mile .....  ek baar phir se shukriya

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